The Unofficial Formula 1 Drinking Game

This is loosely based on an email I sent after the first qualifying session of the 2004 F1 season. It pretty much requires you to have Irish coverage: that's the ITV F1 crew, and the RTÉ F1 crew. I guess you could adjust for your local coverage.

take a drink when...

• Brundle talks about "the good old days", when F1 drivers were allowed to race in jet-engined wheelbarrows or some such;
• James Allen makes a comment and Brundle immediately contradicts him;
• Brundle talks to Bernie Ecclestone during the grid walk;
• the commentators disregard race position in order to praise a British driver;
• one of the lesser teams, having qualified WAY up the grid, turns out to have short-filled the car;
• someone says "we can't tell the real position until we know what fuel they're carrying";
• ITV breaks for one of their mandatory 4-per-hour ad runs, and when they come back something dramatic has happened;
• Coulthard screws up qualifying;
• Coulthard "is really in with a chance this season"
• Schumacher/Ferrari does something that bends the rules somewhere WAY past the reasonable breaking point;
• Ron Dennis lodges a post-race protest when Ferrari win;
• Someone says something to the effect of "anything can happen in Formula 1"
• The cars go faster, despite rule changes intended to slow them down. (for the Australian qualification this year, Barrichello and subsequently Schumacher broke the lap record in race condition for Albert Park);
• all Ferrari front row;
• all Minardi back row;
• Jordan have a spectacular race except for blowing up two laps from the finish;
• A Jordan driver demolishes his car - plus a bonus drink if he's going backwards at the moment of impact;
• Coultard blames his car;
• Eddie Jordan says his car is the best they've had;
• Every time there's a pretty woman on screen - plus a bonus drink if the camera man zooms in;
• Every time Brundle says "nip and tuck" (dangerous one, this);
• every time either commentator mentions that there are four italian drivers in F1 this year. bonus drinks if it's a jump-off for a potted history of any sort relating to italians in F1;

(For RTE coverage, if you're stuck with that, or switch over during the breaks in ITV's coverage):

• The commentators predict the outcome of the season based on the order of cars in qualifying/exiting turn 1/in the parade lap;
• The commentators make a completely incorrect statement, utterly disregarding the fact that one of the ITV commentators who are standing in the same commentary area made the correct version of the statement about five minutes previously (ok, requires both channels);

finish the bottle when...

• Murray Walker comes back from retirement (again)