Cooking for the Single Male

This appeared in talk.bizarre some time in the distant past

1. Inspect freezer compartment for deep-fry items. For our example we shall use "Brand X" chips and "Brand Y" chicken nuggets (contain almost 5% real chicken!)
2. Put deep fat fryer on cooker, and ignite gas.
3. Since this is a modern gas cooker with no need of those silly "Gas Marks", turn the gas knob all the way up. Note that the knob only has two settings anyway, "off" and "inferno".
4. Throw small chips into the oil from time to time to determine the oil's temperature and suitability for cooking. Note that these are the only things you will successfully cook.
5. Add chips when oil gets too hot. Douse oil burns liberally with cold water until burning sensation stops.
6. Play guitar for random period of time while waiting for cooking to happen.
7. Notice smell of "cooking" and small quantities of smoke. Cease playing guitar, remove burnt chips from fryer and empty into dustbin after a cursory inspection to determine that they are inedible. Remove fryer from heat.
8. Take three slices of bread, place on grill, set gas to "inferno".
9. While bread is toasting, contemplate cooling oil and chicken nuggets.
10. Guess incorrectly that oil has cooled enough, add nuggets. Turn toast over.
11. Remove toast when done. Butter one slice and eat while waiting on nuggets, wash down with Coke from 8-pack in fridge.
12. Remove slightly overcooked (on outside) nuggets from fryer. Remove external grease with paper towel. Apply vinegar, etc. to taste[*].
13. Retire to bedroom with toast (buttered) and Coke, noting on the way that the reason the smoke alarm didn't go off is because you removed the battery over a month ago when it feeped incessantly to indicate that the battery was almost dead.

[*] As in, you won't actually taste the nuggets without seasoning.